Sunday, 26 June 2016

IN THE NOTES: 3 WAYS TO RECOGNISE YOU'RE IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP


Remember when Berger said he needed space, then a week later he came to Carrie's door with flowers, stayed the night and subsequently broke up with her on a post it note?

He was a bad guy. 'Bad' can mean any number of things from coward to cheat.


Slight swerve from beauty + fashion related stuff today...I hope you don't mind. I've wanted to write this post for a while now as I have a few friends who have like me, in the past have been in total denial that they were actually in a bad relationship with a bad person.

Unfortunately in my short 22 years of life i've been able to tick off: 'taking bad person back time and again' off the 'shit things that happen' list and the reason I want to write this blog post is to help people like myself who have put up with shitty behaviour in a relationship because they don't feel they have a choice but to live with it. Or sadder still, nobody else will want them and they are worthless. If there is a question mark lingering in your mind, here are a three things that will help you acknowledge if you are in a bad relationship.

1. Read the warning signs...

With every bad egg, there is always an early warning sign to let you know and as much as you want to ignore it, you shouldn't as it will save you from making a fool of yourself down the line. Examples of warning signs i've experienced in the past is a guy telling me: "Yeah i've cheated multiple times before and I don't regret it." Or even more dangerous, the guy who pinky promised (don't laugh, a pinky promise is binding!) that we would date exclusively...Not two days later a friend informed me that they'd seen said guy out snogging the face off NOT ONE, but TWO other girls in the same night, one of which was an ex fling!

If you're dating a guy and there's a warning sign or two...Act upon it and get rid! PS...Watch out for the two timer warning, double check that before you get serious with someone that they are not 'finishing up' with somebody else and stringing you both along while they decide who they want, because one day you'll be the person they're 'finishing up' with.

2. If someone wants to be with you they will do whatever it takes...

One of the hardest lessons I learned was that if someone is just not that into you, they really aren't, whether you've been together years or thinking about taking things to the next level if you're dating. If a person misses you, they will call or come over to see you, if they want to talk to you, they will get in touch, if they can't go a day without thinking about you, they will make every effort to communicate with you and put you at the forefront of their agenda. Unfortunately, when communication dwindles without good reason, this person is just not that into you and couldn't care less. So act upon it and get rid because 9 times out of 10 they're pouring all that time and resource they once gave to you... into somebody else.

3. Repeating cruel behaviour...

I mentioned above that I was stupid enough to take a guy back time and time again and this was after he repeated many cycles of shitty cruel behaviour. Now i'm not saying he was cruel in a physically abusive way or anything like that, but emotionally hard on me. Those kinds of people are the worst because you are under their spell and they know it. They say jump, you say how high? Whether they are emotionally unavailable and just shut down from you...perhaps go days without communicating playing the Jack Berger card, or try to blame you for their sneaky behaviour i.e lying about their where about's and always seem just too busy to give you the time of day. The cycles of cruel behaviour repeat on and on and on. If somebody loves you and cares about you, they won't put your through the ringer and try to destroy you. If you ever hear the words "I dunno its not you, it's me" in a relationship, please just walk away, this is just an excuse and a get out of jail free card.

So there we have it, 3 reasons to help you recognise that you're in a bad relationship. As for me, I wanted to be with a guy for the rest of my life and plan a future with him, I invested every last piece of me into our relationship but I stupidly ignored every one of these signs thinking it would be okay...Sure enough the leopard never changed it's spots, and I was very very badly burned as a text (yes a text) came through to say he wanted to be 'alone' and then sure enough it was complimented with a picture of said dude stuffing his face with sushi... full of smiles across the table from his ex... What a catch!

And whilst i'm not confident enough yet to say "hell yeaaa i'm just fine" I can say that I had a very lucky escape from the repeated cycles of shitty behaviour and someday, all of this will be explained, just like it will be for you.

Have you ever experienced a bad relationship?

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6 comments

  1. This is the truth! Preach it girl. Loved this post x

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  2. Great post!I feel incredibly lucky that I've ended up married to my first boyfriend and he's definitely a good guy. I've seen a few friends go through some terrible relationships though. One of my best friends was actually on the verge of an eating disorder because of her horrible boyfriend, I was really worried for her. She virtually stopped eating because he was forever criticising her body. In the end he dumped her but he was doing her a favour really...she was so much happier and outgoing without him bringing her down.
    Em x
    http://themusingsofem.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're amazing Hols, I won't leave you an essay, I do enough of that via text ha ha, but you're incredible and any man that passes up the chance to be with you is ridiculously stupid!!! Love you lots and remember, I am not going to lose my house ;) xxx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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    Replies
    1. I hope you won't Zoe. Last time it felt different I knew you wouldn't but this time I dno what's gonna happen! Thanks for being a great friend xxxxx

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